Recently I had the honor and, frankly, SHOCK of winning the Toledo City Paper’s “Top Bachelorette.” It is hard to believe, especially since during the contest, I followed a young woman that showed the crowd her amazing flexibility.
When it was my turn, I was asked how I would go about impressing the parents of someone I date. I responded, “At my age I consider myself lucky
if the parents still have a pulse. If they are still kicking, I would bring a nice
fruit cup to the home.” Being the “mature” (AKA OLDER) contestant, who had to be gently reminded to shave, and sporting cleavage-less attire, you can imagine my surprise when my name
The thing that gave me major warm fuzzies was the fact that I am still referred to as “single” instead of the dreaded “unmarried.” In our society if you’re labeled “unmarried” it denotes the need to go and buy some dangly earrings and hide your comfortable shoes in the back of the closet. Unless of course, you want to end up a social hermit, wear your hair in a tight bun and start adopting double-digit quantities of felines.
I rarely feel “single.” I have a full life of family and friends and I certainly don’t lead the stereotypical “single life.” I hate to admit it, but staying out past 11:30pm is living large for me! The feeling of “singledom” only hits me when I’m untangling Christmas lights, being at a couple’s function (what I refer to as a Noah’s Ark night), getting anything of bulk in or out of the attic or facing a caller ID posting with the high school principal’s phone number on it. For the most part, raising three young women solo has been a joyous journey.
I never realized what a challenge it would be to enjoy my winnings as “Queen Bachelorette” with a bachelor. I am perfectly content and really, although appreciated, the whole fix up thing from friends and acquaintances has been, well, interesting. You know you’re in trouble when someone wants to introduce you to their third cousin and you’re told, “For a heavy man, he doesn’t sweat as much as you would think!” After my big win I received quite a few offers. One that stood out was from a 67-year-old who informed me, he doesn’t have two things most women desire — a car and teeth. Although he said he wasn’t willing to do anything about the latter, he was willing to help me with gas money if I wanted to get together.
A joyous journey
Currently, the most brilliant idea I have had for my prize of a free limo ride is to pick up my godson and his sister and head out for ice cream, although I am open to suggestions. I know, pretty crazy for the city’s top single! My kids snatched up the Cedar Point tickets and Barry’s Bagel gift card in roughly the same time it takes a bag of Tostitos to disappear around here.
After my victory I had an epiphany. While hanging out, clumped together in my moose boxers with my royal offspring and our trusted Corgi at our side, I realized that it is good to be Queen! I also decided that while my kids are still living at home, I would occasionally go out, but putting someone else in our “blender” and pushing frappe might not be a good idea. Instead, I’m going to work hard, play, relax and enjoy my girls. Now, where did I put those comfortable shoes?